Silicon Valley Barbie Dolls
*stolen from a bulletin board*
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for
the Silicon Valley
Santana Row Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at brand new Santana
Row. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade
handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey,
and a cookie- cutter house. Available with or without
tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only
in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Blossom Hill Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and
matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or
secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included. Headset sold
Story & King Barbie
This recently paroled, tattooed & nose pierced Barbie
comes with a 9mm handgun, a desert/river ready lifted
Chevy truck with dark tinted windows, and a methlab
kit. This model is only available after dark and can
only be paid for in cash, preferably in small,
untraceable bills. If you are a cop, we don't know
what you're talking about!
Silver Creek Valley Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own
Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken
and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford
any of them.
Morgan Hill Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans, two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety
Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of
Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can
spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when
she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and
get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print bikini
outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the beach
house. Percocet prescription available.
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair
of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel
from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Gilroy
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
Santa Cruz Mountains Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long,
straight, brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no
makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers
that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a
Ken doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and
the optional Subaru wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie
at any Whole Food's Market.
East Palo Alto Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and bus or trolley
pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but
are now very difficult to find since the addition of
Almaden Valley Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is
because he's always away working.
This have-it-all Barbie comes with Toyota Sienna
minivan which is equipped with soccer and basketballs,
baseball equipment, school books and an itinerary of
events for her young over-achiever Ken's and Barbie's.
PDA and Starbucks cup sold separately. Other than
having bad hair days, she too is practically perfect in
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984
Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby
Barbies in the back seat, but
no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a pick
up truck loaded 10 feet high with mattresses. Green
cards are not available.
Santa Cruz Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie
to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple
"snap-on" parts. Bonus: free rainbow flag with proof
of purchase sticker along with valuable
discount coupons to all Soquel Ave. bookstores.
everybody should walk the world drunk
this is funny...
MONEY MAKER AND A RISK TAKER..
the difference between hypothetically and realistically
get off your ass and rob somebody
Ay! pass tha tapatio!
funniest shit i've read in awhile
I'll bust in your eye,
So you can see where I come from.
-Phife (A Tribe Called Quest)
the blossom hill barbie hits home in more ways than one, LOL!
it is genius......for us local cats, hahahah
Who wants a Barbie Doll for vice president? We have Sarah Palin running for VP with McCain. She is currently being probed for abuse of power by the Alaskan legislature. Of course this happens when you elect a Barbie doll to office. She starts thinking she can get away with anything as long as she has great legs. The Republicans have shot themselves in the foot again.
market samurai ~ marketsamurai ~ marketsamurai.com
Last edited by solankie; 04-13-2009 at 03:36 AM.
bet $$ she runs for it all in 2012.
i cant even find the word to descrabe how much i dont like her...
So i'll just go with i hope she lives forever....
"I've been blessed with an inner energy that never runs empty,
conducted by a symphony playing the tempo of sympathy."
-"I've Been Blessed" by Aaron Evans
Free downloads and more info at www.aaronevansimagination.com