View Full Version : So it's like this....
MCRapier9
02-10-2003, 09:21 AM
i have a friend that i'm very close to. day in and day out i always say to her "what would i do without you". I'm starting to realize that i have feelings for her that go beyond friendship, and i want to act upon them, but i'm so deathly afraid of messing the relationship up that i keep my silence. It's something that is always on my mind everyday, with her. so...what would any of you do in this situation?
Thats always a tough situation, moving out of the "friendZone"
I suggest reaffirming just how tight your friendship is, by making a move. Not necassarily a physical move, just say something. or do something that lets her know how you feel. If you two are truly close, it's not like she's gonna blantently shoot you down, she'll probably just apologize or agree with you. You'll feel even worse if you never act on it, trust me.
UG Fiend
02-10-2003, 09:31 AM
You must convey your true feelings to her, but at the same time tell her that any kind of relationship with her is a blessing, and that you would be willing to still remain friends if she doesn't want the intimate relationship you so desire.....if you really feel this way. Quite frankly I've never had female friends weren't a) fuckfriends or b) already married or in another relationship. I don't see how you guys do it.
Dr. Kris Knacker
02-10-2003, 09:59 AM
you two should sit down and watch the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine dicuss "Rules" to dating friends!
i.e. no calling after sex, at least 2 days to wait before calling, etc...
soysauce
02-10-2003, 10:30 AM
i've had a couple real close guy friends that started liking me... and i have to say that i KNEW they liked me and i didn't like them back... i ended up avoiding a couple of them because i didn't want to ruin our friendship(s) and i didn't want to hook up with them.. i only talked about it to one of them because he was getting mad at me for hanging out with with some of his friends and then we got into a big talk about why he was really mad at me which was because he liked me and i told him that i kinda knew and that i didn't like him and i hoped that i hadn't given him the impression that i did etc. etc... basically, if she's a perceptive person, she might already know you kinda have feelings from her and you should try and see how she acts towards you (like if she's flirty she might like you too)... i mean if you're hanging out all the time you must have some sort of idea about how she feels about you.. or you could always beat around the bush and say something flirty to her and see how she reacts kinda thing...
i wouldn't sit and talk to her straight up about it unless you think you have a good chance because if she did end up rejecting you then how would you feel about kickin it with her still? might ruin the friendship if you push on a relationship...
mf sw
02-10-2003, 11:01 AM
I used to be like "best freinds" with this chick, we were freinds for like 4 years, I went to the prom with her we had a great time together blah blah blah etc etc. Also it was kind of like mutually understood that we were attracted to one and other but we never really like got it on or anything. So, on christmas eve one year were at her house, in her room watching Poison Ivy II (great fuckin movie by the way) and I'm just kinda like commenting on how great I think the chick in this movie is and how I think it would be a better world if every girl was like that and stupid shit like that, I was kinda half serious. So next thing I know were kinda like dry humping on her bed, she's licking my abdominal area and she says "what would you do if I gave you head right now?" so then, like a fuckin pussy ass bitch that I am I do the whole "I dont wanna fuck up our freindship" thing and then we just kinda cuddle and then I go home a few hours later and I'm like "we'll see where this goes" so then, on new years eve we go out and were at the Cactus club and outta nowhere we just start making out/dancing while this fuckin punk band is playing. She definatly initiated it, but I wasnt backing off by any means (this chick is like REALLY fucking hot, btw) then then we leave and a few hours later were like kinda drunk and were at this hotel with a bunch of people, and I'm kinda like talking to these other people and she's talking to this dude, and next thing I know she takes off with this dudes and fucks him! So I'm like wtf? I got extremely jealous even though I really had no reason to becuase she wasnt my girlfreind and I we had no commitments toward eachother at all, shit, I wouldve fucked some other chick that night given the opportunity so how can I get mad at her and get all jealous? But anyway, after that night I was like "fuck her" and I pretty much just started ignoring her and it was stupid and she was like "I love you so much, I cant belive youre just not taking to me" and I was like "fuck you" and that was pretty much it. Now, I regret it and I wish I ws still freinds with her cuz she was one of the only "real" freinds I've ever had.....So......... what does this have to do with your situation....
oh yeah, my moral here is that if you have the opportunity to have sex with this chick, do it. Dont worry about it fucking up the freindship because the freindship can get fucked up anyhow and you dont wann end up like me, no feindship and you didnt even fuck her.... That may not sound good, but thats my take on the situation.
peace
highlife
02-10-2003, 11:02 AM
my advice: tell her what's up and if she doesn't feel the same then i would break off any relationship you have with her. i've been in the same situation and after the facts have been stated, the relationship NEVER feels the same. she'll end up hooking up with other dudes and you will feel so jealous and heated. it's not worth your frustration. just keep it to yourself and stay 'friends' or tell her and hope she feels the same. or at least lets you f her for goodbye's sake.
LBFam
02-10-2003, 11:08 AM
Originally posted by mf sw
oh yeah, my moral here is that if you have the opportunity to have sex with this chick, do it. Dont worry about it fucking up the freindship because the freindship can get fucked up anyhow and you dont wann end up like me, no feindship and you didnt even fuck her....
this has to be one of the best quotes ever on this forum..
s-dub:
http://www.empowerucards.com/cards/congrats/PCards%20Great%20Job%20Small.jpg
highlife
02-10-2003, 11:10 AM
"I'm kinda like talking to these other people and she's talking to this dude, and next thing I know she takes off with this dudes and fucks him! So I'm like wtf? I got extremely jealous even though I really had no reason to becuase she wasnt my girlfreind and I we had no commitments toward eachother at all, shit, I wouldve fucked some other chick that night given the opportunity so how can I get mad at her and get all jealous? But anyway, after that night I was like "fuck her" and I pretty much just started ignoring her and it was stupid and she was like "I love you so much, I cant belive youre just not taking to me" and I was like "fuck you" and that was pretty much it."
what a little slut. you're better off beatin' your meat and staying clean nowadays. fuck girls.
ps. how do you quote specific phrases or sentances in posts instead of having to quote the entire thing?
MCRapier9
02-10-2003, 11:11 AM
Originally posted by highlife
ps. how do you quote specific phrases or sentances in posts instead of having to quote the entire thing?
you gotta delete everything except what you're tryin to quote
mf sw
02-10-2003, 11:16 AM
Originally posted by LBFam
this has to be one of the best quotes ever on this forum..
s-dub:
http://www.empowerucards.com/cards/congrats/PCards%20Great%20Job%20Small.jpg
thats how I feel about it man. Even though, like..... I could have fucked her. It was MY decision not to for the fuckin freind reason and then I get pissed when she fucks some other dude...... and then I'm like "fuck you!" with no further explanation.... I handled the situation very badly I think, especially considering that we were like really good freinds. But now when I look back on it....... I shoulda let her suck my dick in her room that night.
Originally posted by highlife
[B]what a little slut. [B]
Thats what i was thinking.
Sounds like a http://www.kenyontools.com/images/34-422_423_420.gif to me.
mf sw
02-10-2003, 11:24 AM
Originally posted by S...
Thats what i was thinking.
Sounds like a http://www.kenyontools.com/images/34-422_423_420.gif to me.
pretty much, yes. But she WAS cool as fuck though, I just made the mistake (well, I guess we both did) of forming some sick little "I wanna fuck you but lets be freinds" relationship with someone like that.
man, obviously you care for this girl.. and it seems like it's real since you're her friend and you tell her all the time how much she means to you.. i don't buy this shit about girls not liking their guy friends.. no offense ladies.. but if you don't like the dude, why are you his friend? the attention? i don't get it.. what i'm saying is.. it seems like you like her for who she is on the inside.. she's your friend for the same reason.. isn't that a girl's supposed dream? to fall in love with a friend? to let a relationship grow? if she says she don't like you that way.. then you know where she stands.. she wants your friendship and advice and gentlemanly presence, but not a relationship with you.. you can move on. try asking her out for valentine's day.. the timing's perfect... what better way to spend valentine's than to be with people who really mean something to you (family and friends)? ask her as a friend.. just see where it goes.. maybe she'll come around.. maybe she feels the same way. i know i'm not much help.. but whatever you decide to do.. good luck man.
mf sw
02-10-2003, 11:30 AM
Originally posted by Ojay revilO
what better way to spend valentine's than to be with people who really mean something to you (family and friends
FUCK valetines day. I will not observe this day since its not for me to celebrate.
Originally posted by mf sw
thats how I feel about it man. Even though, like..... I could have fucked her. It was MY decision not to for the fuckin freind reason and then I get pissed when she fucks some other dude...... and then I'm like "fuck you!" with no further explanation.... I handled the situation very badly I think, especially considering that we were like really good freinds. But now when I look back on it....... I shoulda let her suck my dick in her room that night.
Actually, you handled it pretty well.. I mean.. you didn't get to fuck or get head from friendly hot chick.. but at least you called it. Good thing too, cuz if you let her.. and then she went ahead and fucked other dude anyways.. you'd probably have gotten even more jealous.
mf sw
02-10-2003, 11:36 AM
Originally posted by Ojay revilO
Actually, you handled it pretty well.. I mean.. you didn't get to fuck or get head from friendly hot chick.. but at least you called it. Good thing too, cuz if you let her.. and then she went ahead and fucked other dude anyways.. you'd probably have gotten even more jealous.
nah, I dont think I wouldve gotten any MORE jealous. I think it would have been emotionally impossible for me to get any more jealous than I was. it was just a really fucked up situation. But at least it wasnt one of those sad stories where it was like "I love her and she doesnt think of me like that and then she fucked the other guy" because I can salvage a little dignity in the fact that she was gonna blow me on christmas eve if I'd let her, so I'm like fuck....... live and learn I guess.
Originally posted by mf sw
FUCK valetines day. I will not observe this day since its not for me to celebrate.
I hate Valentines day...... fucking hallmark BULLshit.
mf sw
02-10-2003, 11:39 AM
Originally posted by S...
I hate Valentines day...... fucking hallmark bullshit.
Fuckin flowers and romantic dinners, HORESHIT!!
Originally posted by mf sw
Fuckin flowers and romantic dinners, HORESHIT!!
My favorite part is the ridculous inflation. A dozen roses normally runs like, what... 20-40 bucks? Give or take? On Valentines day they're like 80 beans.... ... .... what? Fuck you and your flowers.
Dr. Kris Knacker
02-10-2003, 11:56 AM
Originally posted by S...
Thats what i was thinking.
Sounds like a http://www.kenyontools.com/images/34-422_423_420.gif to me.
"not the kinda hoe that ya use in yer garden/but yes the kinda hoe that'll make ya dick harden"
del~
sorry i had too!
soysauce
02-10-2003, 12:08 PM
that girl was fucked up sw... if you guys were that tight then she obviously didn't have a whole lot of respect for you or herself to be throwin at other dudes so easily! or she is just a dumb hoe :\
and for ojay- i have a lot of guy friends but that's probably cuz i'm not a girly-girl and i hella like playin video games and smokin n shit and doing shit a lot of girls (or girly-girls) don't... and i see most of them like my little brothers or somethin cuz i've known them so many years and seen them grow up n shit so there ARE girls who aren't friends with guys just to fuck or somethin...
Originally posted by s408420
and for ojay- i have a lot of guy friends but that's probably cuz i'm not a girly-girl and i hella like playin video games and smokin n shit and doing shit a lot of girls (or girly-girls) don't... and i see most of them like my little brothers or somethin cuz i've known them so many years and seen them grow up n shit so there ARE girls who aren't friends with guys just to fuck or somethin...
hey, my rant wasn't really directed at you or anything, although i admit it may have been inspired by it.. i know the whole deal with guys and girls being friends.. i know they exist.. cuz i got'em.. it's just weird.. i got a lot of these friends who are girls.. the reasons we're still friends is because we became friends when we were all coupled up, or maybe we went out at first, but it didn't lead to anything seriously intimate besides one of those long-distance friendship things..whatever. the funny thing is.. i'm starting to get all these calls from old friends who are girls wanting to kick it.. and these girls ain't even close to no hoes (maybe, but if they were, i'd have no idea).. and i've been like bouncing the idea around my head.. maybe it could lead to something more.. but then, i realize.. that's just me wantin to fuck this girl, who i'm friends with.. but if i really just wanted to fuck her, i wouldve done it a long time ago.. i begin to question my motives.. and it starts to feel all fake. but then again, why did i keep them as friends? to fuck later? for our friendship to remain stagnatnt? or to grow? it's not like shit's planned out, ya know? i was just saying what i said cuz for the most part, girls don't go for the kinds of guys they're friends with. like, they'll be friends with these nerdy dudes and go for some jock.. or they'll be friends with these girly dudes and go for some macho dude.. or they'll kick it with some downtoearth fellas and be with some flashy-ass fool... and then have the nerve to go to their guy "friends" with all of their problems and tell them that they're real men and blah blah blah.. not to generalize.. but it's a pattern that I'm pretty sure other guys have recognized. This girl has a good guy friend, whom she trusts, can converse with, shares similar interests and hobbies with, but oh.. she can't risk the friendship.. but she'd rather risk true love? that's a cop out.. guys and gals both do it.
soysauce
02-10-2003, 01:01 PM
but it's really YOU questioning it all?? if they're old friends then you're not really just keeping them around you know? maybe they really did just wanna kick it with an old homie and you started getting ideas >:) or they could be hitting you up to see if anything happens this time around.. then again people have different relationships with different people like there's some friends of mine that i consider "friends forever" or i think i'll know them forever and then there's some that i hang out with but don't really expect to know when i'm 50 type shit...
thisonesfreal
02-10-2003, 01:39 PM
Chances are if a guy and a girl have known each other for quite a while and nothing has happened so far and there was no initial bf/gf vibe, then nothing will come out of it, ever. In this case a friendship is really not worth risking over.
On the girls/boys being able to just be friends tip, it is possible, but generally if you meet a boy/girl who is single same time as u..and there is the slightest hint of attraction there, something more will happen. However the majority of my friends are guys, and i have never felt the need to make moves on them even when i was single..i know em all too well..
'Boys and girls can only be (just) friends for so long' - my EX bf, dont think i need to explain that one.
tommyknokas
02-10-2003, 01:45 PM
i was in the same situation we did our thing and now we are great friends so from my experiance i would say go for it if you don't someone else will
exactly. i'll question my own motives.. like, i'll know a girl is my friend, and she'll say i'm her closest guy friend, and i'm cool with it, but deep down, i'll know that she ain't all that close to me.. i mean we've known each other for a long time, but she really don't know me know me.. like all of my shit. it's funny cuz girls be telling me all of their shit & I give pretty good, blunt advice.. but really, they don't know me. and then they'll start flirting with me.. and i get confused.. it's all very confusing. i'm just a natural flirt around friends like that.. also, what's funny is i don't really flirt with girls to get at them.. i really try to get to know them.. isn't that what making a connection is really all about? by the time this connection is made.. i'm in the friend zone.. or i'm in the get overlooked because i'm a real friend and i'll understand zone.. it just sucks in general, getting overlooked by any friends because they'd rather search for "love" or get into a "relationship" with someone they hardly know.. whether you want to be more than friends with that friend or not. i mean, anything a girl would want from a guy (and vice versa), can be gotten from a best friend(except maybe sex). i think i'm just getting to that stage in my life where i'm looking for wife material, and anything less ain't even worth it (in terms of relationships). oh wizell.
tommyknokas
02-10-2003, 01:53 PM
i get mad when all my female friends try to say they now me but really ain't gotta clue i mean we know a lot about each other but really they only see what you show and vice versa so i never buy into that whole girls saying they know you and vice versa i mean do you really know anybody
soysauce
02-10-2003, 01:55 PM
lots of girls like to talk and get sympathy... unfortunately i know a lot of them and they just like people to listen to them and sympathize.. the worst part is the girls i know like to hear your advice but they don't ever fuckin listen!!!! yeah and they'll say i'm a good friend of theirs but i don't think they're that good of friend to me so i definitely know whatchu mean there (it's not just them actin that way towards guys all the time)...
oh definitely not.. i mean look at all of us.. asking questions on- line and exchanging ideas with people we have no clue about.. that's some fairweather friend shit. i can't front, sometimes i'm in the mood for'em.. sometimes, i'd honestly rather kick it with the folks that are at me on a constant basis even though i'm always around them.. cuz no matter how long you've known them, you know that they know what you're going through right now. hey, you guys have a lovely evening.. i'm about to get ready to cutty sarks.. later.
thisonesfreal
02-10-2003, 02:16 PM
girls dont go by what you tell them, at least the ones with any sense dont, they go by what you're like, your behaviour and how you perceive certain things etc. At least, this is the truth in my case, 'cos when it comes to my friends who are boys, i know how they are with girls and their views and shit and i thank god iam not in a relationship with one of these guys. There are a couple who are perfect marriage material but these are the sensitive ones, who would say they'd 'rather not ruin the friendship' because they are not thinking with their penis as the majority of males would if proposed with the offer of a potential relationship. That kinda sucks sometimes though, its hard to bag the sensitive ones dammit
:p
what i can't stand is if you're supposedly tight with a girl, why can't she just tell you that it's not gonna happen and you should just be friends...
i went thru some shieet like a year and a half ago with this girl who i was all strung out over..but it was like i was calling all the time and she never called me....so i decided that i needed to just stop calling and visiting so i could get over it...then when i stopped calling she came by to visit me and called me...???? what is that???
i thought i read the signals right but it was just another case of me being too blinded by love that i didn't function straight...
and to make things worse i thought she didn't know, so i felt a little comforted to know that i still had my pride...then i found out that she knew all along, and here i was thinking i'd be okay
so my advice is be SURE how tight you two are, because i thought we were cool and yet, when it came down to it, she couldn't even talk to me about it and avoided the subject whenever she was with other people because she didn't want to 'ruin the friendship'
and plus she had boyfriends, so who was i to tell her when she was with someone else...
that's some janky sh*t
so girls out there, if you are really tight with someone and you know for a fact that they like you, don't ignore the situation and think that fate will work it out for you..talk to them, because believe it or not, under all the arrogance and hormones we actually can understand some things
scott.
MCRapier9
02-10-2003, 07:17 PM
damn, what the hell did i start? haha
soysauce
02-11-2003, 07:18 AM
i see your point but on the other hand, you have to have somebody mature enough to be able to sit down and talk to them like that... even now there's some of my goodass guy friends that i don't have real serious conversations with because they're just not on that level (yet hopefully)... on my previous post where i said i was avoiding a couple of my boys who i knew liked me, there was no way in hell i coulda talked to them about it without THEM getting real butthurt or, i could even see them have denying the fact that they liked me (this was like in high school times) just because of pride...
Originally posted by s408420
i see your point but on the other hand, you have to have somebody mature enough to be able to sit down and talk to them like that... even now there's some of my goodass guy friends that i don't have real serious conversations with because they're just not on that level (yet hopefully)... on my previous post where i said i was avoiding a couple of my boys who i knew liked me, there was no way in hell i coulda talked to them about it without THEM getting real butthurt or, i could even see them have denying the fact that they liked me (this was like in high school times) just because of pride...
yeah i know, i forgot to insert 'talk to them if they're mature enough to handle it..' and also those that are just weird on the subject anyway....so i can agree with your point there...
but again i was emphasizing, if two people are REALLY tight (which also includes maturity levels) with each other, then i feel they should be able to talk about it.....always being on the giving side and having to just hold it all in isn't good for the soul....and if the other person knows, it makes no sense to keep the person waiting in suspense...i'd rather be let down early than go on for months then find out....i guess i just got the hint once she started seeing a new guy quick as she broke up with the last one....
haha, but then again who really is ready for stuff like that? i mean i probably would've felt bad either way in my situation but i think being upfront like that sometimes is better for you anyway..it builds character...helps you understand the way of the world...it does suck, but i'd rather learn then be left in the dark, you know?
scott.
soysauce
02-11-2003, 08:30 AM
i think half the problem is that after months go by then it just gets harder to talk about it... that's real about the building character too hahahahaha live and learn! it's always good when people are able to take life experiences as learning experiences...
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