arrowgargantuan
03-18-2005, 04:21 PM
http://www.o-dub.com/weblog/2005/03/if-you-cant-stand-r-kelly-stay-out-of.html
Thursday, March 17, 2005
IF YOU CAN'T STAND R. KELLY, STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN
R. Kelly reminds me of the Bush Administration in that it's become impossible to satirize him because he is already standing at the extremes.
R. Kelly's lyrics have always bordered on laughably ludicrous -- from "You Remind Me of Something" to "Heaven, I Need A Hug." But his latest single, "In the Kitchen," is so utterly ridonkeykong that there is nothing left for 'Weird Al' Yankovic to parody.
Kel's slow jamz always blur the line between romantic and creepy, but this time, his song is an unabashed blended smoothie of buffoonery, sleaze, self-mockery, and stereotype with a boost of criminal behavior. The song seems to be an homage to Dave Chappelle's "Piss on You," which was itself a parody of R. Kelly's pedophilic urinating fetishes.
Did Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle ghost-write these lyrics?
I honestly can't decide whether the Pied Piper thinks he's being sexy/romantic or whether he's just trying to be funny.
You decide. Here's my attempt to transcribe the first verse, chorus, and bridge of his song:
VERSE 1:
Girl, you're in the kitchen
cookin' me a meal
Something makes me wanna come in there
and get a feel
Walk around in your T-shirt
with nothing else on
Struttin' past
switching that ass
while I’m on the phone
CHORUS:
Cuttin' up tomatoes
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes
Girl you look like so sexy doin' your damn thing
that I want …
Sex in the kitchen
over by the stove
Put you on the counter
by the butter rolls
Hands on the table
on the tippy toes
We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed
BRIDGE:
This is what I'm ready to do:
Girl - I'm - ready - to - toss - yo - salad!
while making love girl, I'll be feasting.
When I first got the advanced copy, I had to play it over and over because I was laughing so hard. That has to be the most utterly insane bridge of any song in the history of musical lyrics.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
IF YOU CAN'T STAND R. KELLY, STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN
R. Kelly reminds me of the Bush Administration in that it's become impossible to satirize him because he is already standing at the extremes.
R. Kelly's lyrics have always bordered on laughably ludicrous -- from "You Remind Me of Something" to "Heaven, I Need A Hug." But his latest single, "In the Kitchen," is so utterly ridonkeykong that there is nothing left for 'Weird Al' Yankovic to parody.
Kel's slow jamz always blur the line between romantic and creepy, but this time, his song is an unabashed blended smoothie of buffoonery, sleaze, self-mockery, and stereotype with a boost of criminal behavior. The song seems to be an homage to Dave Chappelle's "Piss on You," which was itself a parody of R. Kelly's pedophilic urinating fetishes.
Did Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle ghost-write these lyrics?
I honestly can't decide whether the Pied Piper thinks he's being sexy/romantic or whether he's just trying to be funny.
You decide. Here's my attempt to transcribe the first verse, chorus, and bridge of his song:
VERSE 1:
Girl, you're in the kitchen
cookin' me a meal
Something makes me wanna come in there
and get a feel
Walk around in your T-shirt
with nothing else on
Struttin' past
switching that ass
while I’m on the phone
CHORUS:
Cuttin' up tomatoes
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes
Girl you look like so sexy doin' your damn thing
that I want …
Sex in the kitchen
over by the stove
Put you on the counter
by the butter rolls
Hands on the table
on the tippy toes
We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed
BRIDGE:
This is what I'm ready to do:
Girl - I'm - ready - to - toss - yo - salad!
while making love girl, I'll be feasting.
When I first got the advanced copy, I had to play it over and over because I was laughing so hard. That has to be the most utterly insane bridge of any song in the history of musical lyrics.